Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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