Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize