you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
