I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
