I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize