Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
