Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??