The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.