There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.