operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century