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My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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