i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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