don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
