a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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