fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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