I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
