So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
