She said her name was "party"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
