either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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