It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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