well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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