WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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