You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize