Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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