I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
