You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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