as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
