how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
