Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
