Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
