So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
