Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
