I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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