You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
