I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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