His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
