I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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