She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
