the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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