his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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