It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
