The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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