And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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