I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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