Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
