Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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