but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
