As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
