I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
