after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize