Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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