left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize