I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
