you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
