1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
