Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
