I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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