I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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