I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so explain again why im purple
no
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
