was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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