the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize