i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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