she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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