I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
