I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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